My decision to retire after a 40-year career, 27 of them at the University of Maryland, seemed like it would be a piece of cake, after all, my work had focused on the transitions faced by older individuals.

My expectations for an easy, happy retirement were quickly squashed.

As I look back I made two major mistakes. First, my husband and I decided to move the year we both retired. As an expert on transitions I should have realized two major transitions simultaneously could be disruptive.

Second, I had the unrealistic expectation that nonprofits in our new community would want to hire me as a consultant. Wrong. They wanted me to join their boards and help raise money—something that did not interest me at all.

Suddenly my life was upside down—I no longer knew what to put on my business card, I no longer knew what I wanted to do with my life, I no longer felt relevant.

My go to strategy when floundering is to learn more. So, I immediately started interviewing retirees living in trailer parks, individuals participating in community centers, and organizations like the World Bank only to find I was not alone. 

A retired military officer in a group I interviewed exclaimed, “I no longer feel relevant.” A Washington D.C. police officer, he shared his retirement experience with these words; “After 25 years, I turned in my badge and gun and left with only a brief handshake.”

A baby nurse, Myrtle May, who loved caring for others was forced to retire when one leg was amputated due to diabetes and she became lonely and depressed.

They no longer felt relevant, appreciated, listened to. They felt invisible. The lack they struggled with could be summed up with one word, “mattering,” − the need to feel noticed, valued, depended upon − a concept contextualized by the late University of Maryland distinguished Professor Morris Rosenberg.

Rosenberg studied adolescent boys and discovered that what differentiated those deemed delinquent from those who weren't was the degree to which they felt they mattered. Rosenberg and his students studied homelessness and I, with my students, developed the mattering scales and found that those adult learners who did not feel they mattered to the university dropped out.

The need to matter could be the secret to a happy retirement. If so, what will happen to the 4.1 million individuals expected to retire in 2025? According to the National Council on Aging, 80% will face either a financial or emotional crisis.   As a nation we face the challenge of figuring out how millions of retirees can construct a life where they feel valued.

Connect and stay engaged

The way to start is to ask yourself what you can do to boost your feelings that you matter. A few prompts might help.

1.Get involved and stay engaged. Because of my unmet expectations, I decided to engage in and learn about the issues many retirees face. I ran focus groups at trailer parks, retirement communities, and with the staff of several major organizations. Meanwhile, a woman in the group I co-lead decided to move to a trailer park that advertised itself as a place that sponsored community connections. She also joined the Senior Friendship Center as a volunteer.

2.Seek out new connections. One recent widow complained that some of the couples she'd hung out with no longer included her.   A friend suggested she take initiative and start giving dinner parties, or inviting couples to join her for a movie.

3. Take the time to thank someone for their help. Offer a kind word, or recognize someone’s efforts. These small gestures make others feel valued and enhance our own sense of purpose.

5.  When you see someone struggling with mattering, lend a hand. When a therapist learned about Myrtle May’s depression, she convinced a local hospital to share the names of newly released patients with May who then provided phone support to help them deal with their health issues.

Check your mindset like you do your financial portfolio

It is important to check your psychological portfolio just as you check your financial portfolio with your financial adviser and the state of your health with your primary care doctor at your yearly physical.

When I interviewed the former CFO of a Fortune 100 company about his retirement, he pounded the table saying “Retirement is hollow. I have a pension of a million dollars, a secretary and office but no power.”

In order to feel he matters again, he needs to focus on his psychological portfolio which consists of his identity (who am I now that I don’t have a job title); his purpose, (what excites me and makes me want to get up each day); and his changing relationships with family, friends and former colleagues.

 Figure Out Your New Life Path

Based on hundreds of interviews, I identified six paths that can help boost one’s “mattering:” You can combine paths and change them as life evolves. As a start ask yourself, "do I want to be a"

Continuer: This means continuing in a modified way what you have always done. For example, someone whose field was gerontology might continue interest in aging by volunteering at a senior center.

Adventurer: Moving into an entirely different field, like the advertising executive who became a docent in a museum.

Easy Glider: Letting each day unfold with no clear agenda, enjoying the freedom to explore different activities.

Involved Spectator: Staying engaged in your field but as an observer rather than a doer, like the retired museum director who became absorbed in the art world.

Searcher: Continuously exploring how to take the next steps in your journey, trying out different activities and roles.

Retreater: Taking a temporary break to reflect and recharge, so long as it does not result in becoming a couch potato.

Keep reevaluating your path — and you can retire happy

Retirement is a major transition. A s you move from worker to retiree, you lose some relationships and refocus on new ones with family, friends and former colleagues, modifying your daily routines and assumptions about the world.

According to Forbes, retirees can expect to live 20 to 30 more years. During these years, you might experience recurring cycles of mattering, not mattering and mattering again.

But with each bump in the road you can revisit your retirement strategies, and reevaluate the path you are on. When you remember that you matter you can retire satisfied and happy.

Nancy K. Schlossberg, Professor Emerita, University of Maryland and author of Revitalizing Retirement: Reshaping Your Identity, Relationships and Purpose.

The views and opinions expressed in this column are the author's and do not necessarily reflect those of USA TODAY.